Originally Posted by exE36M3
So, similar family background but in California - so there's MORE challenges on top of faith (gender, equality, social, etc.)
I had the rebellious daughter - experimenting with sex, watching porn, didn't listen to reason or kindness, gross/stupid boyfriends... she just wanted to do it her own way and make her own mistakes. We had the talks about sex and actual intimacy - at the time, none of them landed.
I aged a lot in those high school years.
Minor miracle she's not pregnant and is actually IN college.
And she's ONLY now (20yo) just coming out of that rebellion stage because she has her own place and pays bills... and now, tells us about her roommates being "irresponsible"... think their mom/dad paying FULL 4-year university tuition and getting Fs or the other one just getting stoned and screwing all day and not going to class. On faith, she goes to church or attends on-line on her own.
Here's my observation:
1. Our kids observe us and what is a healthy relationship - so in our case, mom/dad who love each other and their kids. Once the kid leaves the house on their own, this imprinting speaks more than any other speech we can give. It's the baseline on how they will run their household. Generally if a kid observes mom/dad screaming at each other... guess what they will do when they get married or in a relationship? Or the parents pissing away their money or sleeping around. Patterns.
2. Yes, still tell them your values as a father and mother and WHY you hold true to those. On the question of faith, for me, it's pretty simple... we are dead a lot longer than alive, so maybe we should make some decisions (believe in God or not and then behave accordingly). With sex/marriage/dating, it's no different - we will be older/married A LOT longer than we will be young/single so... make the decision count. And maybe challenge them to think about what they want.
3. Friends will make or break your kid. If your kid is surrounded by kids who hate their parents, or thieves, or social justice (not talking the good kind, the crazy whacked out versions), or hate school... your kid will follow. My kid's friends hated their parents, did poorly in school, thought gender was evil, etc... so A TON of distractions and my kid didn't want to go to college, didn't study for the SAT, had to be FORCED to get her drivers license. As adults, we see patterns of behavior that can screw you up in the long run. But kids, they miss those cues because they are kids.
At best, advise your kid about the long-game... whether it's sex, dating/marriage, money, etc. so it's not just about the penis and vagina, or having that thing NOW, or...
Good luck, let us know who it goes in 20 years!
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