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When I get that much resistance/hassle/whatever buying anything, I walk. I know unqualified buyers take up sales dudes time, but I’m qualified and I explain that up-front (letter or not). Nothing is worth dealing with pricks and martinets.
I always use my own lender and agent. If that isn’t acceptable to the seller, I’m out. I don’t think I would ever buy a new build spec home, but I would contract to build custom. So I might never encounter the OP’s circumstances. But I’d take that as an indication of how the entire build will go, and it would really put me off.
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