I'm confused as to why you're pushing her to spend more than twice as much as she wants to.
All of the three vehicles you listed in the OP are good, though the Golf feels like an outlier. M2 is a fun drive, RS3 has a wicked sound track.
As others have said, M240i is worth a look as it arguably sounds better out of the box, has the same interior/sound system, and is notably cheaper. Comes in xDrive too.
Having shopped for a car for my wife recently, she decided on M240i xDrive as she preferred the look, and the performance was more than enough (stepping up from a G01 X3 xDrive30i). I liked that it was xDrive too considering it's her first properly powerful car.
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