2 nights in a row

UltimateBMW · 09-16-2009, 02:06 PM

Found this, thought it was funny.

Quote:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

MJC///M3 · 09-16-2009, 02:40 PM

that is fucking hysterical!!!!!

endofanera7 · 09-16-2009, 04:01 PM

pmeloche · 09-16-2009, 04:29 PM

That is so old and yet very funny.

09-17-2009, 02:42 AM

This story is very nice to read.
then how your days going with out sharing your bed.

alq80 · 09-17-2009, 06:11 PM

beautiful

guardianangel3290 · 09-18-2009, 01:47 AM

hahaha

Highflyr · 09-18-2009, 09:47 PM

nice!!! Good laugh

MCMLXXXIX · 09-18-2009, 10:23 PM

LMAO!!!
that is genius!

Geoffo · 09-19-2009, 03:25 AM

Read that before somewhere, but still makes me laugh..

zenderm3 · 09-22-2009, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pmeloche

That is so old and yet very funny.

so true +1

Pink Taco · 09-22-2009, 01:39 PM

LOL!! bravo bravo

Easternedge · 09-23-2009, 10:22 AM

Hahaha

jibaholic101 · 09-23-2009, 07:19 PM

that is fucking golden

Nexlevmm · 09-24-2009, 11:46 PM

haha at least the bitch knows im smarter than her...love it.

BerkTechnology · 09-25-2009, 12:06 AM

and boom goes the dynamite.

3ThirtyXi · 09-26-2009, 04:51 AM

LAMO!!!

Bimmer Nerd · 09-26-2009, 08:33 PM

hahah LOL

09-16-2009, 02:40 PM	#2
MJC///M3 Colonel 91 Rep 2,323 Posts Drives: 09 SSII E92 M3 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bronx, NYC iTrader: (0)	that is fucking hysterical!!!!! __________________ "You will get there, but it is up to you and you alone. It is what you are willing to do, and how you are willing to get there. You must be relentless, you must be tireless, you must pursue at all costs, so that you are ready, when the time is right." -Dad
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09-16-2009, 04:01 PM	#3
endofanera7 Major General 553 Rep 5,396 Posts Drives: 08 JB E92 M3 Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Bay Area, CA iTrader: (16) Garage List 2018 Porsche GT3 [9.50]
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09-16-2009, 04:29 PM	#4
pmeloche Lieutenant Colonel 24 Rep 1,604 Posts Drives: 2013 F25 X3 xDrive35i Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Montréal, Canada iTrader: (0)	That is so old and yet very funny. __________________ Patrice 2013 F25 X3 xDrive35i Vermillion Red
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09-17-2009, 02:42 AM	#5
Roger Guest 0 Rep n/a Posts Drives:	This story is very nice to read. then how your days going with out sharing your bed.
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09-17-2009, 06:11 PM	#6
alq80 Lieutenant 47 Rep 437 Posts Drives: E92 335i Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: PA / Kuwait iTrader: (3)	beautiful __________________ 335i . Montego Blue . HKS Exhaust .
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09-18-2009, 01:47 AM	#7
guardianangel3290 Free at last 316 Rep 986 Posts Drives: 2006 Audi S-line Quattro Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico iTrader: (0)	hahaha __________________ If the possibility exists that you may have "failed" in either a normal or "epic" fashion, please follow this link.
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09-18-2009, 09:47 PM	#8
Highflyr Captain 55 Rep 704 Posts Drives: 08 335i E90 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Ellicott City, MD iTrader: (3)	nice!!! Good laugh __________________ Join the BMW CCA!!!!!!
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09-18-2009, 10:23 PM	#9
MCMLXXXIX wat 242 Rep 3,406 Posts Drives: a gr3at whit3 5hark Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Oct 2008 iTrader: (0)	LMAO!!! that is genius!
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09-22-2009, 01:39 PM	#12
Pink Taco Doesn't get Pinker than this... 10 Rep 129 Posts Drives: e90 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Huntington Beach, Ca iTrader: (0)	LOL!! bravo bravo
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09-23-2009, 10:22 AM	#13
Easternedge Major 132 Rep 1,243 Posts Drives: 2012 Mini Coupe S JCW Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Aventura, FL iTrader: (4) Garage List 2011 BMW 335is [0.00]	Hahaha __________________ Back again after 10 yrs! Daily: 2012 Mini coupe S JCW Baby: 2007 BMW M6 Vert Wifey's: 2006 BMW 650I Family: 2007 Chevy Suburban LTZ
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09-23-2009, 07:19 PM	#14
jibaholic101 Brigadier General 181 Rep 3,496 Posts Drives: women wild Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Charleston, SC iTrader: (0)	that is fucking golden __________________ some italian, german, and japanese ones; and on order more of the same
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09-24-2009, 11:46 PM	#15
Nexlevmm Lieutenant 35 Rep 424 Posts Drives: SG E92 M Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Here and Now iTrader: (0)	haha at least the bitch knows im smarter than her...love it.
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09-25-2009, 12:06 AM	#16
BerkTechnology Lieutenant Colonel 242 Rep 1,565 Posts Drives: Fast Join Date: May 2008 Location: Irvine, CA iTrader: (1)	and boom goes the dynamite.
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09-26-2009, 04:51 AM	#17
3ThirtyXi Private First Class 1 Rep 123 Posts Drives: 2006 E90 330xi Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Anchorage, AK iTrader: (1)	LAMO!!! __________________ AW \| 6MT \| Terra \| ZCW \| ZPP \| ZSP \| CA \| Logic7
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09-26-2009, 08:33 PM	#18
Bimmer Nerd Major General 537 Rep 7,783 Posts Drives: 6MT F80 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Santa Monica, CA iTrader: (12)	hahah LOL
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