[c0nstant]

You're bored at home so you decide to talk a walk at the park. It's a bit cloudy and looks like it may rain.

[1] Leave with an umbrella just in case
[2] I'm not scared of any bitchass rain




*(btw, i have no idea where this is going or how this ends. i'm just as in the dark as you)
**(first person to reply to each decision advances the story)
***(one 'advance' per person i.e. no in-a-row posts)

[Scorpion]

[2] I'm not scared of any bitchass rain

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by Scorpion

[2] I'm not scared of any bitchass rain

You arrive at the park, soaking wet. Bad call leaving the umbrella at home. A freak cold front rushes in and it starts hailing. You're fucked if you don't take shelter.

[1] There's an unlocked, white van. You get in.
[2] Take shelter in the nearby KFC.

[nmulax]

[1] There's an unlocked, white van. You get in.

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by nmulax

[1] There's an unlocked, white van. You get in.

JESUS FUCK!!!! THE BIGGEST CHIHUAHUA YOU'VE EVER SEEN IS SITTING IN THE PASSENGER SEAT STARING YOU DOWN.

[1] DON'T MAKE A MOVE AND HOPE IT DOESN'T ATTACK.
[2] "IF I DON'T KILL IT, IT'S GONNA KILL ME".

[boymonkey]

[1] Don't Make A Move And Hope It Doesn't Attack

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by boymonkey

[1] Don't Make A Move And Hope It Doesn't Attack

"This was a test of self-control" says the chihuahua (who sounds exactly like Christopher Walken). You have passed. I am now your loyal companion.

[1] Fuck yeah! Let's drive around fighting crime or something.
[2] You get freaked out that the dog is talking and you push it out of the van.
[3] You pinch yourself, hoping this is all a dream.

[Peanuto]

1

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by Peanuto

1

You make it about 100 feet before being pulled over by the police. You blow a BAC of .9. You now realize the dog was merely a hallucination and the officer explains that you just broke into some guy's van and now you're going jail.

[1] Go peacefully.
[2] Try to tickle the officer into submission.
[3] Try to bribe the officer with the melted kit-kats you have in your pocket.

[561design]

[3] Try to bribe the officer with the melted kit-kats you have in your pocket.

[Blake]

4

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by 561design

[3] Try to bribe the officer with the melted kit-kats you have in your pocket.

As it turns out, the officer is a recovering chocoholic--with kit-kats being his greatest addiction. He hasn't seen chocolate in over 30 years and almost instantaneously loses his shit. As he lays on the ground smothering the chocolate on his face you notice his cruiser is left unattended.

[1] You get in and drive off.
[2] You ignore it and stick with your van.
[3] You decide to walk.

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by Blake

4

*Access Denied*

[Memphis1]

[3]

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by memphis2012

[3]

The hail stops so you decide to make your way home on foot. On your way back, you pass a cafe. A brief peek inside shows a group of cute girls.

[1] You bang on the window like a madman in attempt to get their attention.
[2] You walk in all James Bond-like and calmly sit at the table next to them.
[3] You continue on your way home.

[quagmire]

[2]

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by quagmire

[2]

You take a seat at the table next to theirs and eavesdrop a little. You hear them speaking some weird language, unlike anything you've ever heard. You then notice what appears to be... TENTACLES COMING OUT OF THEIR EARS. THEY'RE FUCKING ALIENS! WHAT THE

[1] KILL THEM KILL THEM KILL THEM
[2] They're still kinda cute...

[Peanuto]

2

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by Peanuto

2

You ignore the fact that the girls are clearly alien and try to engage in small talk. You tap one of them on the shoulder when they turn around and attempt to bite you. Their human shell falls off and these huge roach-looking aliens now stand before you.

[1] You arm yourself with a handful of coffee beans.
[2] You scream like a little girl and run outside.

[samwoo2go]

I already came

[ghosthi32]

1

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by ghosthi32

1

With coffee beans in-hand you let out your battle cry: "HAKUNA MATATA!" and chuck the beans at the alien beings. They shrug it off and lunge after you. You successfully dodge their attacks and make your way out to the street to finish the fight. Now you stand facing the extra terrestrials on an empty street, just like in an old western movie. You attack by:

[1] doing the "Thriller" dance.
[2] singing Lady Gaga's "Poker Face".
[3] furiously fapping.