[aapriadi]

this is gonna be long so please bear with me! man i feel like i'm the unluckiest boy in the world
i've known this girl for more than a year, was never close to her till early 06..and we often hang out together since then, with some close friends too most of the times

but here's the problem: she has a boyfriend...her bf moved to LA in april but got a job in jersey in mid june...since her bf been away, we started hangin out even more....i know i should never have any feelings for her whatsoever but i cant help it i just have no idea why am i feeling this way

her bf came back to columbus on monday, it was a surprise for their 2yr anniversary which was on thursday she said...and i decided not to contact her whatsoever coz i didnt wanna disturb their time together, plus my car has been in the shop since wednesday so i decided to stay over at my buddy's...in other words, i'm tryin to avoid her

somehow deep inside i felt jealous and i know i'm wrong! i've been tryin to keep my feelings for her down, been telling myself not to fall for this girl and that i should at least try to look around..but she's constantly on my mind!

she always texted me or called me everyday even for a shortwhile...but there were lesser calls when her bf was here though. she just called me a few minutes ago and asked what i was doing...she was bored to death coz her bf just left..and she joked that she ignored all her friends when her bf was here but then called me right after her bf left...apart from that, i told her to relax since she's graduating in august, she can move to ny or nj and reunite with her bf..

honestly, my evil side keeps wishing that they would somehow break up and i'll make my move right after...some of my friends also know that i'm developin feelings for her but i know they can keep their secret
her bf is a friend of mine and he's a much better guy...has a job, smart and kind..i'm nothing compared to him

now what should i do? my buddy tried to hook me up with some korean girls but i wasnt interested at all! she's constantly on my mind and honestly i cant help it! i treat her like a good friend but of course deep down i know i desire more..i was even thinkin to quit my job just to distance myself away from her but that would be stupid right?

i wish i could tell her my feelings without scaring her away. if i tell her, it will be weird right after correct? so should i just keep my feelings to myself and probably try to eliminate it as well by distancing myself slowly? or should i just continue hangin out with her and try not to fall in love with her? (which seems impossible to me)

and i found this poem online..

Could it be that I once saw you
In a dream as old as time
And could it be the arms holding you
Were really mine the whole time?

Could you have been my one and only
The reason I woke each new day
The one thing I always needed
The one for whom I use to pray?

Could it be that I had found you
After looking my entire life
Could it be that I had promised
That one day I'd be your husband? *originally its wife instead of husband*

Could it be that I still love you
And once again I'll find
That you're not just a memory
Only to be viewed in my mind?

Could it be, oh Lord I pray,
Just one thing I ask of you
If you're out there waiting
You'll try to find me too?

[NaTuReB0Y]

a sith lord, like a jedi, cannot fall in love......

confront your feelings.....let it out to her.......

[foofighter]

let me ask you something really simple. Would you like your friend to do this to your girl? The answer to that question will determine what your next step will be e.g. tell her or let it go and if it was meant to be you will be with her.

I just think it's bad karma to be a home wrecker (loosely speaking)

[aapriadi]

Originally Posted by NaTuReB0Y

a sith lord, like a jedi, cannot fall in love......

Originally Posted by NaTuReB0Y

confront your feelings.....let it out to her.......

omg you just made my day thanks a lot!
are you sure that i shoud let it all out? i'm afraid i'm gonna scare her away, there's a big chance she'll cut all ties with me. it will be weird too if i let it all out right? i mean she has a bf, telling her my true feelings wont help either i guess
but for me, its definitely better to be close to her despite the pain than not talk to her ever again...i dont wanna lose her, for now i'm satisfied that i get to see her almost everyday but of course it wont last long..she'll move somewhere else after her graduation in august
dammit man, this is much harder than deciding on what mods to do
natureboy thanks for your words, i'll keep it in mind! perhaps if i have gathered up enough courage, i'll let it all out to her..
headin to bed now, gotta go to work tomorrow...she's gonna pick me up since i dont have my car..usually i'm the one who picks her up for work lol

[aapriadi]

Originally Posted by foofighter

let me ask you something really simple. Would you like your friend to do this to your girl? The answer to that question will determine what your next step will be e.g. tell her or let it go and if it was meant to be you will be with her.

I just think it's bad karma to be a home wrecker (loosely speaking)

thanks for the wise words. i completely understand and agree with you man! i dont wanna be a home wrecker and i'm absolutely damn afraid of karma! but my answer to your question will be to let it go. its just that it wont be easy, you feel me?
i guess if it was meant to be then it will be right? i believe all i've to do now is just to keep myself busy with other things and not to think about her all the time..

[flush01]

Originally Posted by aapriadi

thanks for the wise words. i completely understand and agree with you man! i dont wanna be a home wrecker and i'm absolutely damn afraid of karma! but my answer to your question will be to let it go. its just that it wont be easy, you feel me?
i guess if it was meant to be then it will be right? i believe all i've to do now is just to keep myself busy with other things and not to think about her all the time..

if you tell her the truth she won't be your friend anymore garanteed.. knowing that I would STILL tell her... i rather know that I tried then always wonder what if... your choice

[foofighter]

i feel you bro, feelings are something that you cant ignore but feelings do go away. I'm not saying dont be her friend but you have to tell yourself that you are just that a friend and that's all there can be until situations changes with her or even you.

Do more things with your other friends or your car when you get it back, but definitely dont dedicate all your time w/ her.

In a way she's kind of using you (not in a malicious way) as a surrogate bf while her real bf is gone. But you dont get the other benefits of being the real bf. All you get is inner torment and saddness.

Do your thang and all other things will fall into place

Flush - I just read your post. That's ok in any other circumstances but this. She has a BF and that in my personal moral and ethics is off limits. If she were single and you guys were buds then heck ya lay it down on the line...this is different. There are others involved in this and can be quite a completed thing.

[flush01]

Originally Posted by foofighter

i feel you bro, feelings are something that you cant ignore but feelings do go away. I'm not saying dont be her friend but you have to tell yourself that you are just that a friend and that's all there can be until situations changes with her or even you.

Do more things with your other friends or your car when you get it back, but definitely dont dedicate all your time w/ her.

In a way she's kind of using you (not in a malicious way) as a surrogate bf while her real bf is gone. But you dont get the other benefits of being the real bf. All you get is inner torment and saddness.

Do your thang and all other things will fall into place

Flush - I just read your post. That's ok in any other circumstances but this. She has a BF and that in my personal moral and ethics is off limits. If she were single and you guys were buds then heck ya lay it down on the line...this is different. There are others involved in this and can be quite a completed thing.

o, i just read first sentance ya with her bf you got 1% chance, wait until she's single and ATTACK !!

[BellasBmw]

Ok here's my .02

When you said that she called less when he bf was around, ignored all her friends, then when he left, she called you right away.. Thats not good. Why? Cause man, your the guy that keeps her entertained while her man is away. I dont wanna burst your bubble, but your number 2. Your the guy who she can call when she wants attention. This sounds harsh, but your almost like a puppy..she plays with you when she wants, then when she doesnt have time or has better things to do (hence, DO her man) shes no where in sight.

Every woman wants to feel desired or wanted.. since she cant get that from her man since hes in NJ, she can get it from you until her man comes back. See what i mean? Your a filler.

I dont think you should move away cause of her, and i do think you should tell her how you feel. I mean if she really is a good friend of yours and a cool chick, she should be able to tell you the truth and the friendship wouldnt be affected (unless you wanted to end it).

Anyway i hope it all works out for you , but thats just the impression i got from reading your post.

[flush01]

now that i think about it, thats why i have no friends that are cute girls... caz i would ask all of them out right away

[docbolo]

you are in friends zone .... and there is no getting out.

Bottom line: Bros before Hos. Fuggeddaboutit. Lots of fish in the sea that will give you that tingly feeling below

[ADHD]

I know what it is!!!! r the xenons no ur ride?? get some xenons dude!

[just4kickz]

honestly man... this happened/is happening to me...

I got to know this girl who probably became one of my best friends within like two months... n' she has a boyfriend who is @ UCLA. so anyways i got to know her pretty well... hung out with her alot... n' i guess she realy trusted me... her bf normally doesnt trust other guys around her but since my sister is somewhat friends with the bf, he was like yeahh "brian's (me) aitee" so i was like cool no drama from dat. I mean i respect the guy and if they werent going out shitt id b on thatt pretty quick.

like now since its summer... she sees her bf more and shes asked me to hang out with her sometimes... but then id b hella random n' one time she asked me to go to an amusement park with her, her bf, her bf's friends, her brother, and her brother's friends... and i was like wtf? fuck nahh im aite. i havent seen her for about a month n' a half... and dont keep in touch alot. i mean i've thought about it a little... maybe alot? i dont know... i get over shit pretty quick...

i think you should just forget about it... or just be the friend... it sucks but if friendship is all shes looking for, you gotta respect it naa mean. if you respect her as a person and a friend you wouldn't go around f'in up her relationship with her bf. when ma girl talked about her bf n' all id listen n' totally support the bf... not because i wanted to... but cause i could see the world in his eyes and i'd b just as paranoid n' shit if ma gf was 350 miles away.

kinda funny though she was talkin to some of ma friends n' tellin them how it was so difficult to talk to me sometimes... iono why... she said it was like she was fighting for the friendship when it seemed like i didnt really care. and i never thought about that.. i thought we were pretty good, but from her point of view i guess she wuda thought that cause i blew her off alot during second semester.. chilled with tha boys instead but yeah she also wrote me somethin like how she thinks i wont miss her in college n' shit but she hopes i will er something... i dunno. whatever...

get over it. i get over shit after a day or so... its all about conditioning urself to not care about what you cant controll... you take what you get and ignore all the other bullshit... sucks but ae... good things will come.

[icewatersoda]

If you are friends with her bf... remember "bros before hoes" - i wouldnt even go there. - it depends on how good of friends you are with him.

IMHO ...If he really is a good friend, Nothing good would come of it by telling her. if she accepts you then your friendship with this guy that you stated "who is a good guy", would be lost. if she declines you.. you lose both of them.

Seriously tho, i agree with bella... from what i read she just "stringing" you along as if you were a back up to keep herself from being bored.

WARNING and DISCLAIMER: please do not take this as "advice"...It is just my thoughts for the moment... I do not want to be held LIABLE for any possible future happiness between anyone .

Just got home to my parents pad up here in LA... and they dont have cable tv!

[just4kickz]

Originally Posted by BellasBmw

Ok here's my .02

When you said that she called less when he bf was around, ignored all her friends, then when he left, she called you right away.. Thats not good. Why? Cause man, your the guy that keeps her entertained while her man is away. I dont wanna burst your bubble, but your number 2. Your the guy who she can call when she wants attention. This sounds harsh, but your almost like a puppy..she plays with you when she wants, then when she doesnt have time or has better things to do (hence, DO her man) shes no where in sight.

Every woman wants to feel desired or wanted.. since she cant get that from her man since hes in NJ, she can get it from you until her man comes back. See what i mean? Your a filler.

I dont think you should move away cause of her, and i do think you should tell her how you feel. I mean if she really is a good friend of yours and a cool chick, she should be able to tell you the truth and the friendship wouldnt be affected (unless you wanted to end it).

Anyway i hope it all works out for you , but thats just the impression i got from reading your post.

somewhat agree with that... but i mean thats how it is... think about it... when the bf comes back she wants to chill with him more... and if she doesnt wouldnt it seem like she was cheating on him? logically she would chill with him more instead of you... and you gotta see that pretty easily.

i don't know much about the #2 part cause if she was a REAL friend... she wudnt consider u buy ranking... and instead just a friend... i mean sure u can rank and say all friends are #2 but damn thats just sad sayin shit like that. in the end you gotta realize that if you had a girl and you loved her alot you'd end up flaking out on friends alot too.

find another girl... there are plenty out there looking for good guys... dont even sweat about this one.

[BMW F22]

Playing devil's advocate here: I would tell her because I know it'd just keep bottling up and you'd probably explode one day. but on the other hand, if you really like/love her, then you should just let her go. I mean you want her to be happy right?? So if she's happy with her bf then you should keep it that way, even if it's not with you. I know this is so hard because you want to b the one that makes her happy. It's obviously easier if she didnt have a bf.

I hate to mention things about my life when it is your thread. However, I feel like I should share this hoping that it would make your decision easier: I was with this one girl for 5 n a half months or so. We did a lot of first things together. I was sooo deeply and truly in love with her. But things just didnt work out so we had to end it. This was a long time ago but truth be told, Im still in love with her. I've thought about telling her about my feelings a million times. I've played the conversation over and over a thousand times in my head. In the end, I just couldnt do it. I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. She has a bf and has been with him for about 8 months and she seems happy with him and that's all that really matters.

It sucks cus everytime I talk to her or see all the feelings would start rushing back. It makes me happy when I see her/talk to her. I promised myself never to get in the way of her and whoever she's dating. I just came back from watching Superman about an hour ago. I saw her standing in the concession stand line. I thought about saying hello but she was with her bf so I didnt. I just thought it would be a lil awkward. To make matter worse, the relationship between Louis Lane and Clark Kent is pretty similar to what mine and hers. haha anyhoo...if a girl I like is already in a relationship, I would never come between them because I wouldnt that anyone to do that to me.

Things happen for a reason. If it's meant to be it will be, dont push it. Just be happy for her...

[THE JEDI]

He has gone truly to the dark side.. ..WELCOME..let her make the first move man...simple........do ya want her as a friend for life....or a lover for a possible short time....man feeling fuck everthing up....

[RBBMWE46M3]

what is gunna feel worse...her giving you the cold shoulder after you tell her you have feelings for her...or...you backin off and let her and her bf go??? Bellas is right...you are no. 2 and you should cut it clean and go find yourself someone for you...mtcw

[mava330]

Dood she has a boyfriend who you happen to you; who probably hang around in the same circle as your other friends; who if you do something stupid and make a play for her can potentially affect your other relationships with your other friends as well. IOW STAY AWAY. Cardinal rule #1 for a guy: DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, make a play for your friends woman man!

You’re torn. I see that. You’re friended. If you’re cool with that then continue along the same path. Personally I think you’re wasting your time; for every moment you’re “there for her” in thought, word or action, your missing out on really exploring life and seeing what’s out there for YOU.

You’ve made yourself a parasite to her; always connected and doing the things she wants to do in your quest to try and break away from that friended zone. Sorry bro. Friended. Very difficult if not impossible to jump the friendship ladder over to the relationship ladder.

Break away. Plus she’s leaving in August right? Now’s the time to start distancing yourself from her. Do it gradually and by the time August comes around it won’t cut so deep for you.

[aapriadi]

oh thank you everyone, i have never met any of you but thanks for takin this seriously and more thanks for all the wise words

i promised myself that i will never come between her and her bf though, if she ever breaks up and hooks up with me, then its a downgrade, thats what i've been tellin myself. i know her bf is a much better guy than me

yup i think everyone's right that i'm just a friend and i'm fine with that, its better that we just remain friends too i guess. who knows what the future holds for me right?

as for distancing myself, i dont think its the right thing to do. imo i'm the one who is wrong, i should not have all these feelings for her. i think she never expects that i'm fallin for her either but one point is clear to me now: i'm wrong for not being able to control my feelings.

to all who say i should concentrate on somethin else, thanks! and tyler, my car is still in the workshop for euro-xenons installation, it should be done by monday..i hope!! i guess i should just think about what mods to do next
that way i wont hurt myself....only the wallet

thanks again everyone! e90post rules

[docbolo]

last bit of advice. USE HER! After all, you are being taken for a ride.. Hot women usually have HOT friends. Ask her to hook you up brother!! She will tell her bitches how nice blah blah you are. SCORE

[Squawks]

Would you want to buy a parachute that failed to deploy when used by the previous user? Nope. That's the same thing that goes with this chick - she may very well dispose of you and go for another "puppy" in the future.

Besides homie, I thought you were moving out to Hawaii? What's the point of hooking up with her, then? Once you bounce to Hawaii, this parachute is just going to find another user when she "starts to feel lonely".