[KevinC]

[Bunnny]

Originally Posted by AntF32

Back in the early 2000's i worked at a large UK Telecoms and TV infrastructure provider. The company was an eclectic mix of old boys (think tweed and smoking jackets) nerds (unfortunately the bracket i fall into) and those who carried just enough to get the job done. Telecoms attracts a certain type of person..

One guy who worked in the CAD team was the resident idiot out of a group of 400 and somehow managed to keep his job despite his antiestablishment agenda. One occasion he fell asleep at his desk watching porn. He was the resident special needs employee, walked with crouches due to a disability and he know he was there not because of his capability but more to fill a quota.

Long story short, he decided at the age of 45 and thanks to a large bonus was going on his first foreign holiday and booked a 3 week stay in Pattaya - Thailand.

His out of office was pure genius, crafted by somebody who knew he was untouchable and was something like;

YO! Bitch!

Thanks for your email, i'm out of the office in Thailand on a mission to bag as much Asian pussy as possible returning XXXXXX

I'll be licking ping pong balls, sniffing quim and playing "guess their age" whilst you sad freaks are working. Sucks to be you.

I walk with crouches now but when i return no doubt i'll need a wheelchair.

This was his internal AND external out of office....

Despite numerous complaints raised with HR and customer escalations made to CEO level Special D played the Timmy card and again managed not to get fired. He was bullet proof.

What got him sacked was him sniffing the LARGEST line of coke off a table during lunch one day. He tried to play the "medicine card" but ultimately had pushed his luck wayyyyyyyy too far and was sacked as a result.

Having worked at a telecom myself, I have a similar story.

There was this lady who was mentally handicapped, and arrived late for her shifts, didn't follow proper procedure for a lotta stuff, ect... that all came with her condition (supposedly, but may have played the Timmy card hard there also).

Anyways,
One day management comes & fires her for being late & all this other stuff. And she comes back and literally takes a giant Telecom company to court over unfairness in the workplace, and she won. But this lil' ol' lady also had the balls to get her job back, and continue exactly what she was doing. So she got mega paid plus, came back and was still working when I left.
The hilarious part too was if she wanted something like, a prize tv that was given out every month (when it was a good place to work) to the highest sales, they had to give it to her like she earned it, which also happened for mentioned tv.

I dated a manager ( lol) and learned that on their side of the fence they were ALL watching to see her screw up so they could get her fired.

I could write a book about that place

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by No one

"You cannot get a vanity plate by buying. You must earn it!"

I earn that shit every day son.

For most, those that earn, get over looked; I just make shit happen. If I waited for everyone else, I'd spend my life waiting.

I chose to go with "Chaos Coordinator"

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I chose to go with "Chaos Coordinator"

One of the titles given to me by my boss is EoE...Engineer of Everything.

One that I gave myself is GOD...Guardian Of Data.

My email software has the ability to let me select from a bunch of signatures when I send a message, so I have these (and Chief Trouble-maker) as options to use.....

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Darth One

Recently:

IT (to mass distribution list of 1000 employees): announcement ! Wah wah wah
Dumbass (replying to all): I think I received this message in error. Please take me off this distribution list.
100 other dumbasses (replying to all): please take me off this list as well
Angry dumbass (replying to all): to all, please stop replying to all!
Angry dumbass 2 (replying to all): you're not helping either, if we all stop replying to all, this will stop
New dumbass (replying to all): please take me off this distribution list.

This is fantastic! I see this every once in a while. It's always good when the morons need to let everyone know they are present. This also serves well to know who to avoid.

Originally Posted by AntF32

Back in the early 2000's i worked at a large UK Telecoms and TV infrastructure provider. The company was an eclectic mix of old boys (think tweed and smoking jackets) nerds (unfortunately the bracket i fall into) and those who carried just enough to get the job done. Telecoms attracts a certain type of person..

One guy who worked in the CAD team was the resident idiot out of a group of 400 and somehow managed to keep his job despite his antiestablishment agenda. One occasion he fell asleep at his desk watching porn. He was the resident special needs employee, walked with crouches due to a disability and he know he was there not because of his capability but more to fill a quota.

Long story short, he decided at the age of 45 and thanks to a large bonus was going on his first foreign holiday and booked a 3 week stay in Pattaya - Thailand.

His out of office was pure genius, crafted by somebody who knew he was untouchable and was something like;

YO! Bitch!

Thanks for your email, i'm out of the office in Thailand on a mission to bag as much Asian pussy as possible returning XXXXXX

I'll be licking ping pong balls, sniffing quim and playing "guess their age" whilst you sad freaks are working. Sucks to be you.

I walk with crouches now but when i return no doubt i'll need a wheelchair.

This was his internal AND external out of office....

Despite numerous complaints raised with HR and customer escalations made to CEO level Special D played the Timmy card and again managed not to get fired. He was bullet proof.

What got him sacked was him sniffing the LARGEST line of coke off a table during lunch one day. He tried to play the "medicine card" but ultimately had pushed his luck wayyyyyyyy too far and was sacked as a result.

This sounds like the crew from the death star. We all danced all around that fine line of "they needed us" and cutting our own throats. With all the crazy stuff that we did while working there, I got terminated due to a company restructure. Not cool but hilarious at the same time. There were 6 of us that should have been fired so many times, it just became what we were known for. We threw a party in a hotel room on a Wednesday night in Brentwood TN that was epic. It went to shit when one of the hotel employees vomitted down the hallway, in the elevator and all through the lobby. How was I to know that little guy was an employee, on the clock and couldn't hold his liquor? The phone call from the CEO's assistant the next morning was half funny and half sad. I could genuinely hear the disappointment in her voice. The CEO knew he had built a team of die-hard go-getters, we were demons; but he also knew there was a cost for our commitment. We were golden for as long as he owned the company. We were like a low-key Stratford-Oakmont from Wolf of Wall Street. I can't even remember all the times my boss fake threatened to fire me.

Originally Posted by vreihen16

One of the titles given to me by my boss is EoE...Engineer of Everything.

One that I gave myself is GOD...Guardian Of Data.

My email software has the ability to let me select from a bunch of signatures when I send a message, so I have these (and Chief Trouble-maker) as options to use.....

Nice! I'm sure I've posted it on here prior, but I got to make up my own Job Title once. I ran the purchasing department and was the "Acquirement Overlord."

[UncleWede]

Me: I retrieved the Leave buyback form from my timecard on your desk. Figure I might be in need of some leave soon.

Bossman: I’m afraid I don’t understand your email.

[No one]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I earn that shit every day son.

[o_g]

Without getting into specifics, our department provides SaaS services to large enterprises. Everything is developed, managed and hosted in-house or cloud.

The product lead has a self-serving desire to bring in external vendors who will perform a fully managed service, where we will have 0 input and responsibilities. But he does not see this as a threat to the existing products / teams, and gets frustrated when we discuss long-term plans.

Our position should be to enhance our existing products to meet future industry needs / demands, as we already have an established client-base, customers, reputation, etc.

Bringing in new vendors brings complexity from a sub-contractor perspective, access to client data, etc.

The internal discussions are so painful ... he won't get into specifics on pricing, and he wants to keep these discussions hush-hush. It is a unilateral product / business strategy that affects the whole department.